Friday, July 20, 2012

Piecing together Myself with Public Memories of SI



Roaming through my understandings of the summer, I’m thinking about the ways that people have participated in creating my Summer Institute experience.  A few months ago I listened to Anne Wysocki speak about the location of memory.  I’m imagining myself literally roaming around in my memory spaces.  It’s a populated place.

Jackson’s Java
 And I seem to know that the woman sitting at the third table must be Renatta
 Maybe she was looking at the door searchingly. 
Then, listening to her
I breathe out
Ah.
Now we have our group.

I write my criticisms
On the American Dream
So well
So solid
Until Mary’s
Story
Makes me wobble.

This is the third time
Tony and I
Have come to SI together
Haiku, Jackson’s Java before Fretwell, Mixing teaching and theory
#feelslikeitssupposedto

Jessie looks at me across the open space
Of SI
Speaks her words
Considered and Curious.
And I want to steep my thoughts too

A story about doctors visits
How a woman is positioned
Sally’s story
Around the table from me
At Amelie’s

So many
windows
Tabs
Sticky notes
Daybook pages
Swirling all over me.
Until Melissa
Calm, invites me to write.
Her ease seeps into me,
And I do

I am cautionless
Asking for movie
Meredith
Presses this,
And devotes to making it
Happen anyway

Cindy and I crisscross our ideas
Flowing them
Throwing them
Through Jackson’s Java
To a Google Doc
Riffing from shared experience and
New possibility
This SI

My unquestioned
Theory on silent lunch
Moves, skids around
Reynelda’s unapologetic
Real story of school
Forces, makes me name
The complexity

I slide behind
Her computer screen
Slip on her headphones
Listen to her voice
I blink
Surprised, enthralled, engaged
Laura sings.

I write a little list
Of my mismatched inquiries
Fulfilling Christin’s task
Until squiggles and connecting lines arrive
And her request becomes
Just what I needed

 This reminds me of…
Most likely Peter Elbow
Steve
Weaves texts
Into the day
A mentor for the kinds
Of literature review that requires no heading

Teena gifts me
With stories
Of her Narnia
And two little girls are still sitting whittling on a hillside
In the corner of my mind

I’m waiting outside swimming lessons reading
And I’m not
I’m still at SI
Debbie blogs about my demo
Winding her reflections into my practice
Revisioning my understandings

Tricia’s flutter
Of Twitter
7 Posts
Ever
Reserved
Considered
Makes space for me
To wobble

Jennifer’s voice echoes
With smart thinking
Around my brain and living room
Seeping ideas about leadership
Shared
Messy
Moving
Into my own thinking
As I splice her lines in video

Lil skypes me from across the room,
from home,
from her infusion
Using conversation and the best placed muscle arm and dancing person emoticons
To push me, question me and narrate with us the story of this
Summer Institute.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

A Demo Reflection in Multigenre: And This is Why I Love Summer Institute


Poetry Experiences at School: A Poem
I don’t recall any before high school
Though Papa read William Wordsworth, Frank L. Stanton and Henley
Every night
Mrs. Merle cried as she sat on the top of a desk
And read I don’t know what poem to us
And sent us to another teacher to be taught anything by Toni Morrison
And poetry could be cried over but maybe not cursed in
And I never wrote a poem
To be turned in for school
I wrote a lot of poems in school
On the edge of my notes
Cradling my thoughts
 
Dear Melissa,

Thank you.  For a few things.  For inviting me to blog right now during your demo, so that I don't think too long about my idea and gulp it away.  For somehow in the space of an hour making space for me to write a poem, blog, reflect, hear and see a bunch of readings of poems, understand my colleagues in the room better, get a really cool idea about teaching, and find out so much about you as a teacher.  

In Happy Poetry Euphoria,
Lacy


A Reading and Sticky Noting of Hazel tells Lavern by Kathryn Machan


www.flickr.com

Saturday, July 14, 2012

On blogging. And why I haven’t.



Because my ideas.
Are swirling
Around
And around
And there is a bride here.
I am sure that fits in
Because it is so distracting
The institution of family
So distracting
And central
And that has nothing to do with marriage
And that is the distraction
The socio-historiical-institution of fill in the blank
That puts pressure on my words and make hard to
Find my place
My starting place
In anything other
Than strings of incoherency
(so I make it into a poem)
 Even though I have asked everyone
Around me to inquire, blog, share, write
And I swish things around in my head
Salting any little wounds
And I ask you to dive daggers into the heart
Of the situation
And put your words out there
And I
Simmer
And consider
And thinking is writing, right?
Shouldn’t I stop emailing
You about what you are thinking
And give myself a talking to  
And I am of course.
The bride, construct of pure, good feminine
Talks to my head all day
About why my writing and my not writing
Isn’t good enough.
Damn.
Self pitying poem.
See?
Damn again.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

High Heels, Hairbows and What Good Means: A Writing History in Mashup


video


In making a timeline of my writing history in the UNC Charlotte Writing Project Summer Institute last week, I was consumed by the story of the first writing I recall doing (writing about a Disney vacation with my grandparents in a Minnie Mouse diary).  This got me thinking about how the writer I am today is steeped in commodity forms, like diaries and vacations.  Images of what it means to be a good girl, a good writer, good not evil are constructed through me, in me, as I have led a Disneyed life.    Even as I intentionally resist commercialization in many parts of my adulthood my own constructs of writing, identity and value are knot connected to high heeled and hair bowed Minnie dressed in so many different ways as the object of (my own and Mickey’s) pity.  

Minnie, teary-eyed, done up, never the subject of her own story, embodies my own position as writer.  To be a good girl, a good writer, I would need to be both perfectly made up all on my own and simultaneously available as the victim-object of hero savior fantasies.  So my writing must be very good, (no messy drafts slipping out below my hemline) and also (probably because I am so distracted by jerking down my skirt to cover over any errors) I must still be available to happily drown (in the ocean or in my own tears).  

As an attempt to disrupt this story, this history, I want to remix the images of the Mouse, the ultimate logo.  By mashing Minnie with voices that clang and converge I elucidate the hidden scripts of gender at play in writing lives.

On the Nuts (and Bolts) of the Workshop Classroom


to wax poetic
with what is
available
more writers
writing tools
a writing kind of day
or not


with
napkins
notes passed
under the table
skyped, texted, facebooked
out of the room
while papers turn
into a stack
on the teacher's desk

to wax poetic
when you have to
and when you don't




Wednesday, July 4, 2012

A Socio-Historical Review of Psychosocial Research


My reading of Growing Up Girl (2001) is steeped in my own history as a reader and academic.  All of that I bring to meanings I make and remake with each page, each word.  I am drawn to and put off by this book before I have opened the cover, even before I have selected this title from the other possibilities on the Summer I course syllabus that has brought it to my attention.  Rosenblatt (1995) describes this intertextuality as an active construction of meaning between text and reader.  There is not in this book or any text an inherent meaning.  There is only the particular meaning that I make in connection to the histories I bring to the moment of engagement.  Interestingly enough, the authors of Growing Up Girl, Walkerdine, Lucey and Melody, develop a similar approach to research, in which their subjectivities (meaning making) as researchers becomes primary data of the research and a primary site for psychoanalysis.  In the following review I juxtapose my own reading experiences with an analysis of the methodology of Walkerdine, Lucey and Melody.

Late Fall
Lil emails me with some books she is thinking of using in her spring course on identity.  She particularly wants me to think about this passage from Julie Bettie’s Women Without Class.  She says there is something here that really jives with the thinking we have been doing about identity and performance.  She thinks I might be interested in the whole reading list. 

However solitary I might have appeared or even felt with Growing Up Girl in hand at a table for one at a local coffee shop, I really read this book from within a particular academic conversation, which I am bringing into dialogue with this next text.  I am drawn to the exploration of gender and class that Walkerdine, Lucey and Melody surface.  My interest in gender, class and Marxism, for instance, are part of local conversations in my professional and academic work. 


These concepts have been particularly framed for me by identity and rhetoric studies. Walkerdine, Lucey and Melody, however, are working from another discourse community that crossing somewhere between psychology and sociology.  In a bigger theoretical picture, though, this book works on familiar ground of Marxism and post structuralism.  At times the ways that these are realized, through psychosocial analysis and methodology, distances me as a reader working outside and sometimes in tension with my own academic discipline and the academic conversation into which I have been reading and writing.

Winter
Ethnographies and Histories.  I spend winter break reading when I can.  On a plane trip to a conference on the west coast, my friend and colleague Cindy and I are both reading the Bettie book,
Women Without Class.  We keep poking each other across the aisle of the airplane to look at some quote or to talk about how this connects to our work at the middle school.  When the plane touches down we turn on our phones and text our writing group about the ideas we have spinning.

I was very engaged by Growing Up Girl as a response and critique to other research on women (Demos, 1997, in Walkerdine, Lucey & Melody) that erases class differences.  The authors show the erasure of labor and economic hierarchies in the “accomplishment” of (some) women’s rights.  This work puts women’s work and stories of work, both at home, school and in paid labor at the center of its data and analysis bringing issues of class to the surface of a muddied modernist conversation.  I read the use of these stories of class as comparative case studies and the psychosocial analysis as more complicated. 

Even as I look back into Growing Up Girl at this writing I find so many passages that have me nodding my head and taking notes for future reference.  All this, though, is shawled by my reading of other works in identity studies that seem to be in conversation with this book only through me.  There are citations of big names that are familiar: Foucault, Bourdieu, Marx, Butler, but this book is clearly coming from a different disciplinary circle that I have been reading.  While the object of study, political interests and larger theoretical framework is meshing, similar works in rhetoric and identity studies (Bettie, 2003; Cintron, 1997; Lindquist, 2002; Wray, 2006) draw on a history of social constructivism (Vygotsky) and language studies (Bahktin) which sees identity as constructed in social structures with limited permeability. 

Julie Bettie, for instance, in her study of social class in high school girls talks about the groups of girls at Waretown both in terms of distinction used by the girls themselves (Chicas, Cholas, Preps, Mexican Preps, etc) and by descriptors of ways of living (hard-living, settled-living).  The main force of the book is in describing the creation of these social and class boundaries and the moments in which the boundaries become permeable.  She theorizes this in terms of the ways that social scripts for the most part construct categories of differences, and also the ways these scripts are performed and so are changeable at least in limited ways.  She writes carefully of this tension between cautiously possible agency and structure and in so doing creates a complicated, multilayered story and argument about the girls in the study.

Early May
As I read over the course syllabus, I’m sure my father’s lifted eyebrow ruffles across my own forehead as I wonder about how this document is constructing me as a student.  I get ready to play school.  
 

With this reading of Bettie up next to my read of Walkerdine, Lucey and Melody, I wonder about how the methodology of comparative case study is setting this research up for the problems I am seeing in the hardening of identity categories.  In Walkerdine, Lucey and Melody girls’ class labels are held to tightly by the researchers, in fact with the intention to show the class distinctions beyond the financial and material.  The groupings of girls as part of the method for the purpose of comparison in this way actively seeks out differences between categories, erasing differences within categories. 

The strength of Bettie is the careful striking of the analysis between seeing possibility of agency and material realities of social reproduction.   For Bettie identity is both performed (and so can be chosen) and also performative (since the choices are [very] limited by social structures).  In Walkerdine, Lucey and Melody this intersection between individual and social is met through a different and in my view more problematic layering of analysis.  The social structures in place for the girls are evident in the first two steps of narrative analysis used by the researchers.  The third step in their protocol asked for a very interesting reflexive lens on the data.  In this stage the researchers applied psychoanalysis to their reflexive stance on their own perceptions, reactions, and responses to data and data collection. 

The psychoanalytic tradition does create an interesting mix with the sociological study of structures, however the baggage of the philosophy as not only Western, white and male-centered but also working on the epistemological premise that there is definitive meaning to be found in “the mind” is at odds with poststructural theory as applied to the rest of the book.  The treatments of the researchers’ subjectivities are commendable for being a significant project of this research.  However, the fore fronting of the researchers as subjects diminishes possibility for participants as subjects.  While Bettie shows both the constraints of social structures on identity and the performance-quality of identity in the girls, Walkerdine, Lucey and Melody name the social scripts of the girls and themselves through their narrative analysis, but hand over any potential of individual will or agency not to the women participants or researchers but to the essentialist, deterministic, patronizing hands of Freud (and ilk). 

First I check the reading list.  Two textbooks.  I can likely borrow those from a friend.  (No need to put more money than absolutely necessary into the textbook company pockets.)  And, what?!  A book selection of choice list.  Okay!  There are some interesting titles here.  Oh, Growing Up Girl… sounds like Bettie.  I wonder if I can read that without a chip on my reading glasses?

In my read of Growing Up Girl I saw moves toward the framing of differences along the lines of (researcher) subjectivity.  I continue to wonder how qualitative methods, particularly as tied to theoretical frameworks, construct ways of naming differences.  I have looked at the ways that Growing Up Girl sometimes complicates and sometimes hardens categories of difference.    By putting this work in psychosocial discourse up next to this reader’s history in rhetoric and identity studies, I have considered the ways that methodology and theoretical lenses mesh between reader and writer so that the understanding of the research, even in its final produced form is still forming and formed in transaction with the power structures at work in circulating the text to this particular reader at this locally affixed socio-historical moment.

References

Bettie, J. (2003). Women without class: Girls, race and identity.  Berkeley: University of California Press.

Cintron, R. (1997). Angels Town: Chero ways, gang life and the rhetoric of everyday. Beacon Press.

Lindquist, J. (2002).  A place to stand: Politics and persuasion in a working-class bar. Oxford:  Oxford University Press.

Rosenblatt, L. (1997). Literature as Exploration.  New York: Modern Language Association.

Walkerdine, V., Lucey, H. & Melody, J. ( 2001). Growing up girl: Psychosocial explorations of gender and class. New York: New York University Press.

Wray, M. (2006). Not quite white: White trash and the boundaries of whiteness.  Durham: Duke University Press.